3 Things to Avoid with your New Year’s Resolutions
When the new year rolls around, it’s common for us to be inundated with messaging about self-improvement and how to stick to our new year’s resolutions. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to work on personal growth and evolution, we feel it’s important to offer a few reminders to accompany this messaging. Here are 3 things we believe should be avoided when setting new year’s resolutions.
Don’t “should” all over yourself - DO tap into what you truly desire
In a 2013 article posted by Psychology Today, Jessica Schrader explains that many people are losing their ability to discern what it is we really want because our behaviour is being driven by all of these ‘shoulds’. We should be sleeping more, we should be eating differently, we should be more positive. We all have our shoulds, but it’s important to remember that our wants are equally, if not more, important. By telling ourselves all of the things we should be or should do, we are repeating a narrative to ourselves that we are not good enough. We also lose our connection with our own desires when we become too focused on what we should do or be. So this year when you’re making your resolutions, avoid ‘shoulding’ all over yourself and instead try to focus on what you truly desire, not just what you think you should.
Don’t shame and blame yourself - DO honour where you are while taking mindful steps towards where you want to be
Many of us fall into the trap of developing new year’s resolutions that are rooted primarily in shame or self-blame. These resolutions are the ones that stem from a feeling of needing to “fix ourselves” due to feelings or beliefs that we are innately broken or deficient in some way. Goals or intentions built on a foundation of shame crumble quickly because, more often than not, you spend most of your time beating yourself up and blaming yourself for not immediately being the “new you” you sought (If you haven’t yet, we recommend reading our blog post on why we think the “new year, new you” narrative should be transformed to “new year, next you” instead). Instead of building shame and blame-based resolutions, develop your goals and intentions on a foundation of “what will make me feel good?”. What are the things that will help you feel rejuvenated? What types of goals can you set that align with who you are and who you aspire to be on a deeper level? What activities can you pursue that will help support you in the coming years?
Don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself - DO be kind, gentle, and understanding with yourself
Remember that you are human. While ambition is not a bad thing, ambition without realistic expectations can force us back into that shame-driven space. When setting your new year’s resolutions, remember to only take on that which you can maintain. If the resolutions you set are coated in unrealistic expectations of yourself, you will burn out or find yourself unmotivated much sooner than you can achieve the goals you’re working towards. Remember that rest is crucial, it is okay to feel down sometimes, and that there is no such thing as perfection in natural beings like ourselves. Be gentle to yourself, and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would hold for someone you love dearly.
If you are feeling a little stuck on where to start with your realistic, shame-free, blame-free, and should-free resolutions, sit down with a pen and paper and write down some of the words that come to mind when you think of what will bring love and lightness into your life. Hold space for yourself, and if you feel called, remember the second half of our Aura House creed: We will live unashamed of the pleasure that comes with our humanness. We will work to become untethered from the patterning that no longer serves us. Our practice will extend beyond our walls, unbound— simple, yet profound.
Happy New Year, everyone. May 2022 bring you peace, rest, and growth. From our auras to yours.
Blog Post Written by Maya Price-Baker & Edited by Lisa Alexandra
