LOVE U BETTER: ACTIVITIES TO DEEPEN INTIMACY AND CONNECTION AS A COUPLE
While I personally believe that most, if not all, holidays have been snatched up by the grips of capitalism and consumerism…Valentine’s Day takes the (heart shaped) cake. Hot on the heels of the winter holiday season, the pressure of trying to show your special someone just how special they are to you is on once again. What seems to be missing in the spectacle of February 14th is what I believe a romantic relationship should be rooted in intimacy and connection. While a night out at a restaurant, a gift or a day at the spa are all incredible ways to show your partner you love them, how are you learning new ways to love each other better?
As a certified Cosmic Sexuality ™ Instructor, my mission is to guide individuals and couples to become empowered in their capacity to love their romantic partners & elevate their connections from a superficial level to soul-full synchronicity. Here I’ll share a few of my favourite activities to deepen your intimacy and connection & deepen your bond as a couple:
1. Partner Yoga, no crazy flexibility necessary!
The benefits of yoga as an individual are no secret. From stress relief to creating flexibility & strength in the body, releasing tension in the mind, boosting your mood, – yoga really is a multifaceted healing practice. Now imagine if you applied this incredible tool to your romantic relationship as a couple’s activity! You could navigate challenges with more ease, approach one another with more peace of mind and find a way to spend time together that benefits your physical well beings. The common misconception I find is that people often believe you have to be as bendy as a pretzel to be able to do yoga with a partner. While Acro Yoga is very much a thing, it’s not the only type of yoga that exists that can be done with a partner. Here’s a great pose for any and every body looking for a good stretch and a way to connect with their partner – body, mind and spirit.
Seated Gentle Twist
Sit back-to-back with your partner with your legs crossed. If you find sitting cross legged uncomfortable, use a folded blanket, yoga block or firm cushion to elevate the hips.
Inhale. Roll your shoulders down away from the ears and lengthen your spines together
On an exhale, each partner twists to the right, their gaze over their right shoulder placing put their left hand on their own right knee
Then, reach your right hand behind you to grab hold of your partner’s left thigh
Hold for 5 breaths, laying the head back on the other’s shoulder if it feels good for a neck stretch
On an inhale, Release your hand from your partner’s knee and return back to centre on an exhale
2. Meditation, but make it a practice in Mindfulness
As a yoga teacher and meditation instructor, I’m always asked by students “How do you meditate?! It’s SO hard.” Honestly, I don’t disagree! I think it’s because the perception of meditation is that it must be seated, silent and quiet. While this is a very effective way of meditating, this doesn’t work for everyone and actually can be a source of frustration for many. Instead, I look at meditation as any activity where you are completely focused on what you are doing in that present moment and adopt a mind state of single-pointed focus. This could be walking sans airpods, cooking, reading, knitting, gardening, breathing or heck, it could even be washing the dishes! Whatever it is, just ensure that it allows your mind to be in a state of single pointed-ness.
In my personal life, a big thing I have been working on has been unplugging and getting off my phone. It’s been a point of tension more times than it should be in my own romantic relationship because it distracts and takes away from quality time with my partner. So I’ve been actively making it a point to stay off my phone as much as possible when I’m with him and be completely dedicated to the moment.
Make it stand out
One tool we’ve introduced into this unplugged time spent together is a Just Between Us: A Couple’s Journal to Building a Life you Want. We take some time out a couple times a month and fill out some pages. We laugh, we discuss, we debate, we learn; but most importantly, we spend time completely focused on one another and our relationship.
3. Gracing your loved one with healing touch
While massaging your partner can often be thought of as a “sexy” way or a pre-emptive way for more sensual activities (which they very much can be and is highly encouraged!), if you focus more on the healing aspect of massage, then it’s an intimate way to relieve stress from your loved one’s body. Here’s a simple but effective way to melt tension stored away in the mind instantly:
Have your partner lay down on a pillow and place yourself seated above the top of their head
Cradle your partner’s head gently using both hands
Using firm but gentle pressure, press your thumbs down at the centre of their eyebrows just underneath their forehead towards the bridge of their nose
Hold this for three deep breaths and release slowly and repeat as needed
Moving on to outer brows, use a smooth facial oil or serum to use your thumbs to gently glide along the arc of the brow from the bridge of the nose to the temples
Lastly, interlace the fingers on the forehead and eyebrows and sweep them open into the temples, applying more targeted pressure to the area
Switch places and enjoy your turn!
4. Harmonize your energies using sound as medicine
In sound medicine, one of the most incredible things that happen is something called entrainment. While music is often a form of entertainment, entrainment is a much deeper phenomenon experienced in sound healing. Entrainment is the natural process of a rhythmic pattern, where two objects that are vibrating on different frequencies synchronize. This principle can be applied to our relationship with our partner using vocal toning, where we create vocal sounds to facilitate the healing process that resonates with our physical and energy bodies.
Make it stand out
One technique I love and practice with my partner is from the book “Chakra Frequencies: The Tantra of Sound” It’s the simple, but slight uncomfortable method of using sound to de-escalate conflict with your partner. In a peaceful and open state of mind, you and your partner choose a sound that you feel comfortable making together & embodies the deep love you have together. It can be a hum, a high pitch, silly noise, a happy melody, a line in a song or even just a word. Now the practice comes into play that when tensions rise and you feel your are on the edge of getting into the depth of a conflict, one or both of you must stop and say “Let’s make our sound!” From there, take a deep breath and on the count of three, make your sound together. Allow for another deep breath and a moment of silence after your sound is made for the sound as medicine to integrate into your bodies. From there, each will have to take ownership of their feelings and decide how to proceed toward resolving the conflict at hand.
